recycled lives....

my life...

resonance with the past.

and the

future.

i am here -

at one moment

thinking of love...

at most moments thinking thereof.

but at others....

a time in school...

graduate ‘training’ that should have

my

attention.

hmmm....

i am in two or three worlds these days.

maybe four.

five even.

who knows really.

but the ones that hold my attention

are

of

some

concern.

i have left certain things behind.

my soul for instance.

can i even pinpoint

the

day that

i left it.

sitting there.

alone.

and wondering what the fuck?.?.?...

hah.

there are so many things in life. i have so many moments. so many memories. parts of me that exist only in my head. parts of me that i can turn to at any given time. i can even

surprise

myself.

a breath

in the morning

can change

the

entire

day.

the mind is a crazy thing. there are infinite things that can exist. what you can imagine can come to be in almost infinite forms. you can’t always choose the form.

hah.

the cosmic joke.

hohoke.

my name is many things. i imagine a point in time. a point that exists. and so it does.

am i talking bullshit here?

i am consumed to a certain degree. my thoughts drift to love. the one that holds my heart. am i too easy in giving it out. there it is out there. it has been for a couple weeks now. it’s been dropped already. maybe even stepped on.

tripped over.

hmph.

it has also been held.

looked at.

loved back.

imagine that. it’s happening and neither of us know it.

maybe i do now. maybe she does too.

i can only

hope.

hmph.

it hurts to think that i must leave things to the universe.

has it been there for me before?

i would say absolutely.

and i seek to understand myself.

through myself may i know the universe.

maybe i am cheating the world.

cheating myself.

cheating my love.

part of me is.

i have created a shield of brightness...

of conceived notions of what i’m doing.

it really is a big fucking show. if i can present the show that people want to see i cruise along.

i present a show that people think they should see.

even this

takes

me

away

from

myself.

and along with that...

what i may have to offer the universe.

what i may have to offer others.

fellow seekers.

fellow friends.

fellow lovers.

fellow humans.

is there a space for this type of thing.

what is it even?

me.